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Friday, December 26, 2008

sad christmas

sobrang excited ako sa christmas, di na nga akao makaantay, ininvite ko yong mga barkada ko na mag inoman sa apartment, aside sa alak, aaminin ko sa inyo nag va-valium ako, dahil sa sobrang bangag di ko na alam kung san ko nalagay ang phone ko. lasing na lasing ako.. basta nagising na lng ako na wala na me phone.. nanghihinayang ako pero ok lng kasalanan ko naman, ang masama pa nun the next morning pero ko na man sa wallet ninakaw 2.5 din yon at yong na lang ang natitirang pera ko.. sobrang nag freak out ako kasi wala na me pera..

ang ginawa ko i called up my firend pinapapunta ko sial sa bahaypara mag inoman, yong friend ko dala dala nya yong i-touch nya dahil sa sobrang bangag namin at ba V kami nanakawan na naman kami sa apartment i touch nya nawala.. hay.. kaka badtrip kung sino man kumuha nun sana masaya sya gift ko na lang yon pero taena wala akong pera...

wala akong pera...

merry xmas sa lahat...

Saturday, November 29, 2008

10k

sobrang litong lito ako ngayon, sa dami ng problemang dumadating sa akin di ko na alam kung san uunahain ko, for 2 weeks nagkasakit na naman ako kaya walang update ang blog ko, pabalik balik ang lagnat ko buti ng na lang at meron kaming medi card para at least mabawasan gastos ko sa hospital pati pang admit,check-up, room lahat medi card gamot lang gasto ko..

habang naka confined ako sa hospital yong kuya ko naman naka confined din grabe sobra hirap, wala pa naman trabahao kapatid ko kaya mejo nahihirapan sa gastos sa hosptial, syempre ako lang nagtratrabaho kaya ako padala ng pera sa kanila, sobrang kakapagod mag isip, gusto ko ng mamatay that time...

Buti na naman at nailabas na kapatid ko kala ko tapos na ayon nilagnat na naman sya, at kelangan na namang i-admit.. wala na akong pera sobrang walang wala na ako, kahit 5-6 na pautang pinatulan ko na para lang makapag padala ng pera.. after 3 days ok na naman kala ko tapos na pag hihirap ko..

Biglang nagtxt kapatid ko, pambayad ng exam daw at dahil graduating sya kelangn nyang mag bayad na ng grad fee dahil kung hindi sya makabayad walang pictorials.. ayaw ko naman yon mangyari dahil pinaghirapan ko sya, nagtratrabaho ako para lang mapaaral sya pero san ako kukuha ng 10k, putchak wala na akong pera.. lahat wala na, balak ko na nga benta phone ko, i pod ko, watch ko.. salary ko di na enaf para padala ko, may binabayaran din akong apartment.. hayyyyyy

saan ako pupunta ngayon...

Monday, November 10, 2008

pain


that day, my heart collapsed but I'm not telling you that,
even if i scream how painful it is, these unforgettable memories
will not change the way i live my life,
i still can't see changes, still darkness flowing into my body and soul
i still can't see the sunshine that makes my day one of a kind
so, I'll still feel depressed tomorrow...

and now.. what will i do?


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

pangungulila

cguro around 1am ng papunta me ng office, habang nasa taxi nagte-text kami ng kapatid ko at mama ko, pinag-uusapan namin if im going home for christmas.once in a year lang ako umuuwi, during christmas lang, usually 5days lang ako stay sa bahay din balik agad ako sa manila, 5 years na ako sa manila

the rest 360days ay dito na lahat sa manila nila, kaya sobra-sobra talaga ang pangungulila ko sa pamilya ko..
nung napadaan kami sa isang lugar napansin ko agad ang mga christmas lights malapit sa cash n carry, ganda ng ilaw at bigla nalang akong naghina, di ko mapigilan ang ma-luha at umiyak, pinipigilan ko na lang kasi papasok pa ako sa work baka naman kasi kantsawan ako.


pinag pi-pray ko nalang sana maka-uwi ako ngayong xmas kasi alam ko malabo mangyari yon dahil wala na akong leaves.. ubos na lahat. alam ko na malabo itong matupad pero im still hoping na
sana ngayong pasko ay makasama at makapiling ko yong pamilya ko..

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Father's letter

when a friend of mine email this to me, i suddenly pause for a minute and take time to read this, parang natulala ako after all, at biglang napaisip,maraming mga tanong na nabuo sa aking isipan..

Sometime's we don't have time for God,
what if God does not have time for us,

naisip nyo ba yon minsan? nakakapanindig balahibo ano?



My Child,


You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad,
Almighty God


Thursday, October 23, 2008

if i could


avoiding something doesn't always mean that you hate it,
it could also mean that you want it,
but you just know that it isn't right..

i must be dreaming...

if I could turn back time
i will never let you go...

Saturday, October 18, 2008

thank you... God

Have you ever wonder,

why God allow people to get hurt?

If He loves us why can't He allow us to love the person we love so much,

why he would not touch the heart of the person we love just to love us back?

and if he doesn't want to see us crying,

why do we feel emptiness in life, resentment

and sometimes thinking of ended up our life?

if there's anything that this life of mine has taught me, is that life can be a difficult one but in other way around life can humble you in a sense that in can make you king of the world, life can just go on hurting you and can make your world come crashing down on you and it humbles you and make you realize that you'll never get to high and you never get to low.

it's true that you'll never get what you want, what you need if you quit.. sabi nga nila "habang may buhay, may pag asa pa" pero if you think that this is not really meant for you, you have to quit, don't force yourself you'll ended up hurting yourself so much.

that's life!!! it makes you realize when to stop and makes you realize too if you really have to fight for it..

life teaches us how to accept things that are not meant for us, it humble us, sabi nga sa kanta "learning the art of letting go" although pain leaves scar in our heart but its the only way to live life completely.

Im just really happy this time, i'm not questioning God why some good people around us has to leave, i understand why we sometime have to live alone, i understand why some people are not meant for us, its because He wants us to realize the important thing in life that He is always there beside you through thick and thin, who loves you so much, for who we are..

this is just some lessons i've learned in this world after all,

I just wanna say Thank you God for giving me another year.. today is a very speacial day of my life. its may Birthday,

Happy Birthday to Me...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

sana minsan...


di ko kaya ipagtapat ang pag-ibig ko
sa isang taong pilit iniiwasan ko
kaibigan lang, sakin yan ang turing mo
pag-ibig, yan ang nakita ko sayo

habang sa akin ay papalapit ka
pano ko sasabihing mahal kita
pintig ng puso ko'y sobrang kaba
dahil alam ko ika'y may mahal ng iba

pinilit kong intindihin ang mga pangyayari
pinilit tangapin na ika'y di ko pag-aari
pinilit unawain na ika'y mapalayo sa akin
pinilit kong tiisin kahit masakit na sa damdamin

ngunit hanggang kelan ako maghihintay
sa pag-ibig mong aking inaantay
pag-ibig na ibinigay mo ng buo sa kanya
sana'y minsan ay aking madama




Saturday, October 11, 2008

finding happiness...

many people think that my life is so damn easy.. i wake up at the time i wanted to that was before but not now, watch movie if i wanted to do so.. but people doesn't understand whats running through my mind, they don't have any idea that, right now i'm suffering from things that i can't just let go..

if its not a sin to kill myself, maybe i've already done that.. maybe im dead right now.. many people dont know what ive been going through.. i laugh as if nothings bothering me.. but behind that smile is something i cannot explain.. i never shared problems to them, i always wanted everyone to feel at ease and happy when i'm around.

its just so hard for me to find the real happiness.. chasing happiness is my major problem.. yes there is no pure happiness.. all of us are chasing our own, but still we cannot find it.. the contentment is still nowhere.. problems regarding our family, friends, and even love life..

we are in this kind of situation where we have to understand that this is one of God's challenges for us.. to make us strong.. to make us a better person.. don't you realize sometimes that we only seek God if we're in the middle of nowhere, if we encounter hardship and trouble? we sometimes forgot to say "Thank You" if we already got what we want..

now i want to agree on what people say - that my life is very easy.. its because i have a great relationship with God..

He's the source of my strength.. and He is the reason why im still alive despite of all the thing ive been through.. i know He's with me.. more than my family, friends and even my ex-gf can.. every one of us can find our real happiness through Him..

Thank you! i feel better now...

Thursday, October 09, 2008

I like for you to be still..

by: Pablo Neruda
I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not touch you
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth
As all things are filled with my soul
You emerge from the things
Filled with my soul
You are like my soul
A butterfly of dream
And you are like the word: Melancholy

I like for you to be still
And you seem far away
It sounds as though you are lamenting
A butterfly cooing like a dove
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not reach you
Let me come to be still in your silence
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp
Simple, as a ring
You are like the night
With its stillness and constellations
Your silence is that of a star
As remote and candid

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
Distant and full of sorrow
So you would've died
One word then, One smile is enough
And I'm happy;
Happy that it's not true

Monday, October 06, 2008

dahil sa isang tula...

Isa sa mga paborito kong Author si Pablo Neruda sa kanya ako natutung gumawa ng mga tula tungkol sa isang pag-ibig, kaibigan at mga bagay bagay na ngyayari sa buhay natin.

I want to share this Poem to you guys , isa ito sa mga ginawa ni Pablo Neruda na tula na memorize ko na at everytime na binabasa ko ito i-feel na feel ko... bigay todo.. lahat ng emotion maibubuhos ko pag itinula ko ito.. s'ya ang naging inspirasyon ko, at sana ay makagawa ako ng isang tula na kasing ganda nito.


if you forget me
by: Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
(fave line ko dito)

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine


Ang ganda dba? sobra... ako kahit baliktad man english ko... kahit sabihin man nila na trying hard ako gusto ko pa ring gumawa ng tula, gusto ko pa ring maibuhos ang damdamin ko, ang tunay na nararamdaman ko, gusto kong sabihin lahat ng hinanakit ko sa buhay ko, gusto kung i share sa lahat ng nasa paligid ko sa pamamagitan ng tula na ako'y nasasakal na sa hirap ng buhay, gusto kong maramdaman nila kung gano kasakit ang masaktan, ganu kahirap mawalan ng minamahal, ganu ako ka gago magtiwala at umasa sa wala.. at minsan ko na ring naisip na tapusin na ang lahat, tapusin ang buhay ko dahil akoy pagod na.

Hindi ko kayang sabihin sa mga tao ng harap harapan dahil ayokong kaawa-an ako, ayokong pagtawanan ako dahil lang sa letcheng pag-ibig na yan, ayaw kong makikita nila na ako'y nasasaktan, gusto ko lahat ng tao sa paligid ko masaya, walang problemang iniisip.. pero ang hirap palang mag-isa malayo sa magulang at kapatid lalo na ang taong hindi mo ini-expect na mawalay sayo ay nawala ng walang kadahil-dahilan.. wala man lang sinabi kung bakit... ang pinakamasakit pa nun isang pag-ibig na di ko kayang ipaglaban.

Dahil sa isang tula lahat ng gusto kong sabihin ay nasasabi ko...


Wednesday, October 01, 2008

tag game


so alone yet
a lot of heart in the world are in fire.....

so near yet so far
i couldn't even feel the fire burning inside.....

the world so warm
yet your arms are so cold.....

wielding my way into your heart
just to let you stay with me forever more.....

what we need not just want
is to love and be loved.....
my tears will never ever lost
cause i know it is sincerely shed.....

and just for you...
I am willing to be hurt again.....
I miss you
....
tagged by: BJ Batang MaiLap
Here’s the rule:
...
1. Write a poem or an inspiring line based on a photo of your choice. This photo can be your own, or someone else’s. (If the picture is not yours, please ask permission from the owner when you post it, or better yet, provide only the link to the picture that inspired you, without posting it.)
...
2. Your poem or inspiring line may be of any length, and any genre. It can be humorous, sentimental, heart-warming, whatever. You may write in Ilokano, English or Filipino.
...
3. Post your inspiring line in your blog and in the comment section of this page (or just a link to your post so we could go and check it there). For poetry submissions, please indicate if you wish your piece to be posted in Bilingual Pen as an article submission.
...
4. The goal of this game is to get us to write, and express our thoughts and emotions.
...
i am now tagging:
...
5: Jei an - Embracing reality
7: Lance - Soulsearching
...

Saturday, September 27, 2008

message received

I thought everything was pretty smooth after all, I was fixing my bed and preparing myself to take a bath, charging my phone while browsing some old pictures.. Digging some old stuff trying to separate those things from her that made me reminded of her.. suddenly I received a message, when I checked, it was just a number and a quote goes like this:
Normal day,
let me be aware of the treasure you are.

Let me learn from you,
love you,

bless you before you depart.

Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so.
One day I shall dig my nails into the earth,
or bury my face in the pillow,
or stretch myself taut,
or raise my hands to the sky and want,
more than all the world,

your return

Sh*t WTF... yon ang lumabas sa bibig ko.. it was the quote I sent to her a long long time ago, it was the day I started to realized that she was evading me, that we rarely see each other, I'll try not to deal about the quote, kasi nga I don't want to prolong the agony, tama na pero napatigil ako sa ginagawa ko eh and thinking what If?

Things still lingering on my mind..

What if, she was the one texted me that night...

What if, she wanted me to come back in her life?

Do you think she was the one texted me, or baka naman wala lang gusto nya lang i-forward ang message.

What do you think?



Wednesday, September 24, 2008

lesson afterwards...

Lately, its been so hard for me to go on with my life, though I know its over. I just realized that being single is not about being alone, its not that you don't have somebody but its about making a definite and correct decisions after all you've gone through and I always bear that in my mind every time I fell into a melancholy mood.

wow!!! I never thought that I got this stupid and one sided feelings over... cheers!

One thing I've learned was that "never beg someone to stay beside you against their will" and thats so true. When we say love, it should be two people or both party feel the same way,

and its not one sided love affair, and if that's the situation, Let go! don't expect that things will be alright,
you kno why? kasi: anong ipaglalaban mo? isang pag-ibig na ikaw lang ang nakadama?

will you able to give everything to her for the sake of love? I know everyone will do just to let them stay.

what if she ask you about "Letting go" will you grant that simple thing?

I guess what we really need is that, we don't need to give 100% of our love to them, I think 50-50 is enough I mean 50% for her 50 % for your self, so that when love fail, you can easily pick yourself up from resentment, although your heart is shattered but still complete.

"we pass this way but only once therefore any good thing that we can do and any kindness that we can show lets do it now for we shall not pass this way again"

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Leaving you soon

Now things are not what they used to be, still waiting, hoping for us to be together, How stupid am I..
I am not really looking at the big picture, I guess we're not really meant for each other,


too much for hoping, wishing... enough is enough. we have to put an end to this love we thought no one would dare to destroy..

So I will make this last reminsce, for I will leave it all behind, finding a place to unwind, hoping things will be fine, It's time for me to release you in my heart, 3yrs of hoping, I guess it's enough.

So I have to face this world alone for now., til' someone fills the emptiness inside my heart of love, joy and everlasting love, and make her the one, I could tell my unbroken vow.

Leaving you soon , it is better that way, for you are fine in your life with him anyway.
I will continue on with my life without you, I know there's someone special in waiting for me too,
I'm just glad that you are making a progress with your life... I will too..

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Pains of Parting

How unpredictable life really is
No one has ever known to resist its flows
Bridging each one of us to unlikely pace
and always hurting deep down inside our losses

Why can't it be?
Why is there a Friend to say goodbye?
Why our memories intrude by time?

I was really hurt my friend
when all of a sudden, we parted our ways
I lost you!
when tears of loneliness, can't hold on
that's why my life change and run empty

Yes my friend
That's how I treasured our friendship
That's how sad I am to have you no more
I can't work it out much longer
It's getting harder.

Even in my dreams lost its magic to reach you
yet I know its over
To create our past memorable happiness
Is so easy to linger in my mind
Cause it's only out time that we find ceasing
But I have been continuously dreaming
That someday, somehow we can be together
cause I miss you

Monday, September 15, 2008

facts about fuck

1. When a guy born, we were given a choice - A big dick or a good memory.
hmmmm I don't remember what I chose.

2. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings....'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.


Saturday, September 13, 2008

Longing...

It was really late that night,
Feeling empty, lonely, no one beside me.

In the dew with a full shout awakening,
pressing down the grasses
My loneliness pressing me down
while silent tears falling on its own.

I write your name...
In a faint starlight only stones gleam.
My thoughts long ago turned from you
but then you vanished without traces.

Suddenly at sunrise awake me..
I see none but only white fog rising..
Tears continue to fall when I knew I lost you..

I long to merge with the boundless dazzling far-away clouds in the sky
to comfort and soothe this loneliness because of you..

I see you rarely.. No more now..

Please let us meet.. My dear I miss you
I tried to pick myself closer
to breathe the air that you breath
to listen the hymn you crooned
to know why you refuse, do you?

Are you leaving me?
down the long and dusty roads?

When do you have time for me?
when do I know, that You're always there.
when do I need to tell myself
that I don't need you,
that I don't want you around..
for it's in you, a true Love I found...

I cried almost all the time,
I want you to know about that, but you're deaf!

when will be your eyes start staring at me
your mouth to speak..

You're the one giving me courage and strength to overcome obstacle.
You tell me not to quit, when I'm almost halfway there..
You hold my hands to let me feel,
that we will always be together no matter what

Your smile that brighten up my days
It simply lift my heart.

I want to tell you this..
I do like your crinkling eyes
They tell me "its alright"
I wish to bring you back
from where you stopped.

But all in uttered silence..

I am locked up in the dark room
I cried out... and shout
I miss you.. I miss you.. I miss you so much
when will you be with me?

I want to know,

Do you still love me?

because I love you so much..


(this is my entry for E[kwento]MO)



Thursday, September 11, 2008

Arbitrary thoughts


It was October 20th 2006 when you left for states,
Two days after my birthday,
I remember that vividly.
Tears fell!!
I just can't hide the feeling,
that its hurting me so much..
Deep inside, my heart beat so fast,
I'll try to be calm..
But then I tremble still with so much fear...

Fear of being alone...
Fear of losing someone that I love.. so much..

I'm so tired that I can't sleep
I'm so tired that almost every night
I hugged my pillow tight
I'm so tired that all I can do is hoping and wishing
and wanting you here beside me forever

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Are you flirt?

Do you have any idea How GUYS/GALS flirt?

A friend of mine forward this to me through email and Perhaps It will help you and I'm sharing this with you guys and gals....


HOW GUYS FLIRT:

1. He stares at you a lot.
2. He hits you a lot. (just play hitting )
3. He uses the first thing that pops into his head to start a conversation with you.
4. He yelled, "Hi!", to your mum that day she picked you up from school.
5. He blew off his buds to go see "Brown Sugar" with you cuz you couldn't get another girl pal to go and didn't want to go alone.
6. He tries to make you laugh anyway even if he gets hurt in the process.
7. His voice gets softer when ever you two talk.
8. You hung up on him. He called you back.
9. You were invited by him to a group outing.
10. He called you to talk about nothing at all.
11. He imitates your laugh. OK, you do laugh PRETTY LOUD. Which makes you laugh even harder...
12. He remembers little things you mention in casual conversation.
13. He sometimes stares straight into your eyes.
14. He uses every possible way to touch you (your hair, face, thighs, KNEES, ect.)


HOW GIRLS FLIRT:

1.She calls you by your full name not just a nick name.
2. She hits you softly on the arm and laughs when you say something funny.
3. She flips her hair when she's talking to you.
4. She touches your arm when she talks to you.
5. She says, "No, I'm not telling you who I like!" with a big smile on her face.
6. She asks you who you like or who you would go out with seemingly interested.
7. When you go to the movies with a bunch of your friends and she is almost always next to you.
8. She criticizes you on a girl you like.
9. You catch her staring at you.
10. She plays with your hair or tries to put make up on you.
11. Her friends outside of school and in school know about you, and says she talks about you a lot.
12. She knows your phone number and address. ( stalker much? )
13. She will try and talk, and spend time with you as much as possible.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Impracticable plan

Last night while writing some stuff and thinking of what would be the best issue to tackle here, I was kinda confuse. and pause for a moment to imagine a possible sensible topic... kaso wala talaga pumasok sa isip ko eh.
It's my personal blog, so I realize I have to write what is/was happening to me or any unfortunate events or any future events.. it could be love hmmm (here we go again), pain, happiness, struggles and achievements.

after that...

I struggle of falling back into sleep, thoughts begins to occupy my mind.....
sad to say they are not happy thoughts and I'd like to think they are not bad either,
the truth is I dont really want to enterpret them in any way,

it's just that I feel sad..

I wonder why?

Lately, loneliness always hitting me up for no reason at all.
It means I don't have decent sleep almost everynight, so I spend a lot of time in blogging.

There comes a time when you are tired of giving meaning in many things.
Have you ever experience feeling alone in a crowd and find yourself wishing you are in another place in another time?

I find myself doing that a lot in recent weeks,

I wanted to see the ocean...
I wanted to run in an endless beach and wet my feet in gentle rolling water...

It's the best thing, playing in the ocean alone...
I wanted to hear the sea in its natural sound...

The lapping of the waves against the sand.. time is when there is nothing matters,
when you can just sit all day..

or do the things you like to do, never worry about the future or what do people thinks about you
when you can be yourself and treat life as a never ending adventure like a music born out of lullaby tune.

well, I will try to sleep, I will try to be calm,
I hope this thoughts will come true one of this days...

smile at me. tnx

The one that got away

I don't really want to talk about love coz it's already overrated pero I can't deny that still right now I'm not moving on, the pain is still there embracing my heart with an open hand of anger...

and if only words and time can be turned back perhaps there will definitely be a BIG difference..
but then that's life, and we have to face it.
I don't know why I still have this feeling of anger, blaming everything to myself..
what did i do??? nagmahal lang naman ako ng totoo...
I did everything to save the realtionship.. pero wala...
and now.. I wanna scream, shout, throw away things.. I wanna CRY..
I want to CRY...CRY...CRY...
but I just CAN'T...

Keeping all these feelings inside, all bottled up and nowhere to go.. NOBODY CARES...

Leaving me stilled with brazened scars of utter confussion, outright frustration,
total REJECTION...

Nobody knows what I feel and How I feel...

Nobody seems to care...

I think I just have to push the pain and hurt everything all inside, AGAIN and AGAIN...

SMILE.. put a happy face...

as if nothing happens.....

maybe she doesn't deserve somebody like me...

Thursday, September 04, 2008

The Danger of Perverted Anger

Someone provoked you, someone close to your heart. You felt blood rushing through your head; your heart palpitates, You wanted to use strong language, shout and throw away things. It was anger that you felt...

Anger... not a dangerous as it is yet fatal when kept. How well do you handle your anger? Do you know what happens the moment you degide to let it pass? You're not throwing it as garbage, as you might think. You keep it down there. It stays in your system, greates poisons that will segretly ruin you emotionally, psychologically and later physically. What kinds of poison that drug addicts, alcoholics, reckless drivers or rapist in the system. It maybe that kind that nobody can notice, not even you. Yet there isn't much assurance that it won't harm you eventually.

Dr. Robin Describe about 20 poisons produced by perverted anger but I will just name a few.. the common ones if i may say:

Anxiety and Depression
These go side by side; the major poisons. These are sometimes caused by a recent problem, failure, loss of loved one and so on but a Big deposite of anger in your system (termed slush bank by Dr. Rubin) is the one sustaining such odd feelings. These will strike you anytime, anyday and just anywhere with a doom feeling that sometimes you bleed for no reasons.

Overeating, Oversleeping, Overworking
I sometimes notice that i take a lot of food when anger just passed me by. According to Dr. Rubin, some people would rather use their mouth in eating than expressing their anger.
Maybe that's why I find it so hard to slim down..
Other would sleep more than usual and make it a self-imposed anesthesia. This is to escape self-flagellation.
For some, burrowing their head to paperwork would serve the prupose (good for employees!)

Chronic Anticipation/Unhealthy regression
Too much worries for the future, even for tonight's date ot for the weekend's picnic, and dwelling painfully in the past are two signs that unexpressed anger has been polluting your thoughts.

Self-Sabotage
Are you prone to sickness, or accident? Do you have this forgetfulness problem (though you're still in a very young age?) Do you think that you don't deserve this or that you're just a nobody? well, fellows, you have this kind of poison in your body. Self-pity would eat you alive.

Blatant Blasting
People with this posison use vulgar words and they just love to insult people. They would appreciate a thing with a but in a sentence. " That dress is nice, but it doesn't fit you right..

Subtle-Sabotage
I identify myself with this type, a joker, an ice breaker, smiling person. Anger is kept pretending "It didn't affect me in anyway" look I'm still smiling." The great pretender that is, but when alone... just imagine it.

These poisons may not be directly caused by perverted anger. As mentioned earlier, the slush bank is the one sustaining them and making things even more complicated. These are reversible though; one should just recognize the type of poison present and accept that as an unhealty attitude over anger.I am a victim myself. I always had this "vacuum" inside me. Vacuum- for me is the best temr to use to describe that feeling of emptiness which you can never explain why it exist. I have been ignoring it through subtle-sabotage but I really can't escape it.
Everytime I get in touch with myself, it's still there and it really sucks. I ended up feeling confused, ran out of energy and finally gave-up. It was a painful experience. And this I am sharing with you so you maybe healed as well and not wait for the time when you will spend much effort , suffer much pain and lose yourself.

It's so ironic that Christmas is fast approaching and I am here promoting anger. But don't you think I am revealing what true love is? Unconciously, we all have this fear of expressing our anger because we do not want to hurt people especially our loved ones. We are so afraid to lose them, yet we are not aware that keeping that anger would poison us and our relationship with others. We eventually will lose our loved ones as we permanently lose ourselves. So are we really expressing love when we don't express anger? We just prevent a momentarily pressure but we actually creat ea deeper wound in our hearts, in our live. Loving doesn't mean showing only the good side of you. It is faking when you do so. Love exist where there is honesty. Love understand and so we must not also stop somebody from showing his anger towards us but rather accpet it. Let us cultivate a healthy anger without violence or bitterness.

Anger, let us remember, is a feeling needed to be expresses and not to be kept.

(inspired by: The Angry Book (Theodore Isaac Rubin M.D)

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Bawal na Pag-ibig

Gano nga ba kasarap ang isang bawal na pag-ibig?

Ngunit pano nga ba mapipigilan ito?

Hanggang saan, Hanggang kailan maitatago ang isang bawal na Pag-ibig?

Pano nagawa ng isang puso ang magmahal ulit habang may minamahal ito?

Sino nga ba ang sisisihin?

Sa bawat ligaya at pananabik na nadarama ng isa't isa habang magkasama, masasabi mo ba na ito ay isang kasalanan?

ito ba ay matatawag nating isang Pag-ibig o isang Libog lamang?


O hayaan nalang natin silang maging masaya habang may ibang tao na niloloko nila?

Matatawag ba nating isang panloloko ang pag-ibig na nararamdaman ng bawat isa?

Ano ba ang dapat sundin? ang nararamdaman ng isang tao o ang iisipin ng ibang tao kung sakaling lumabas ang isyong ito.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

for a change...

Sabi nga nila "The only thing that constant in this world is change" kaya wala me magawa sa sarili ko kundi mag iba ng anyo.. And hirap kasi i-manage ng hair ko kasi wavy na sya paghumaba, kaka badtrip, dati naman straight ang buhok ko, ng nag college ako dun na nagstart magkulot buhok ang pangit... i hate it...

Look at me.. may buhok pa ako dati.. dahil gusto ko mag iba ng itsura ito ang ngyari.

the worst thing i've ever did in my life.. huhuhu


ito na me ngayon ang pangit.. kala ko ang pag che-change kong image will look me better, hindi pala, kaya abot langit ang sobrang panghihinayang ko at sobrang pagsi-sisi ang ginawa ko, nagmuka me tuloy balot.. arrrggggghhhh


Pero ok lang.. alam ko naman, Deep inside me, i'm a good guy nakksss
and that what matters most... heheheh

Friday, August 29, 2008

some good things never last

I was about to play audition yesterday kaso nag papatch pa, so while waiting na matapos ang patching nag net muna ako at least makapag friendster, I suddenly notice the girl besides me crying, she was talking to someone sa YM, her BF for seven years, the reason why kung bakit ko alam, you know it already the attitude of being a Filipino, kunwari nag sesearch pero yong kabilang mata nakatingin sa kabilang computer, out of curiosity kaya mo ginagawa, hehehehe i'm such a bad person, peeping at others pc and trying to know what was going on.

Why the hell they broke-up? for 7 yrs being with each other and all of a sudden bigla nalang nawawala ang isa't isa? 7yrs isn't really enough to make the relationship strong, what could be the reason of parting?

is it third party?..

is it because some people fall out of love?..

is it because you belong to someone else and the right one comes along? kaya basta mo na lang iwan ang present love dahil she's not the one for you? How could you tell that shes not the right one for you, in fact your sharing love to her for 7yrs,and its the fucking lame excuses i've ever heard pag ganun man.

How could you tell that the girl you've just met is the right one?

or is it because some good things never last..........

Thursday, August 28, 2008

i miss davao

Last night while talking to my old friends in davao over the phone, I suddenly miss Davao, its been 6 years that i havent visited the place after graduation, I'm from Butuan city pero i enjoyed a lot in Davao during my college days of course, sa davao ako namulat sa mundong makasalanan... nakssss

It was in Davao when i had my first *tot* lahat ng kagaguhan ko nagsimula sa davao kaya ganun ko nalang ka miss ang davao.. It was in Davao when i started working my very first job and i got kicked out hahahaha ganito kasi yon share ko lang.

I'd work in Jollibee as a Counter, of course front liner ang lolo mo, one day isang araw opener me, pag open pa lang sa store meron agad pumasok na lalaki, suplado, medyo ok lang maykaya, syempre as a counter opening spiel agad:

Me: Good Morning sir welcome to jollibee, ano po yong order nila..

Customer: yah.. regular french fries nga.

(during that time regular french fries was just like P17 pesos, so ako naman kuha agad kelangan mabilis ka at bawal papetix-petix..)

Me: sir yong bill po nila P17 pesos anything that you would like to add sir?

Customer: no! that would be all..

Me: ok.. P17 pesos po sir..

(Biglang si customer nag abot ng P1000 bill, ok lang sya first customer ko)

Me: wala ho ba kayong smaller bill sir kasi kakaopen lang namin tsaka wala pa kaming change..

Customer: aba di ko na problema yon, problema nyo na..

(sabi ko sa isip ko, aba gago to ah.. yabang naman nito.. sa sobrang inis ko ito ang sinabi ko sa kanya)

Me: sir ano po ba bibili po ba talaga kayo ng fries o sadyang nag papachange lang kayo..

Customer: gago ka ha, san yong manager nyo..

(lumapit si manager sa counter, kasi nga nag aamok na si sir)

Manager: Sir may problema hu ba?

Customer: Gago yong counter nyo ha, tanggalin nyo nga yan..

ayon di umalis si sir hanggat di me matanggal.. wawa naman ako mangiyak-ngiyak na me sa sobrang takot.. hahahaha
same day pina-uwi ako tinanggal nga nila ako without even asking the situation, sabagay may point sila customer service issue daw eh... waahhhhhh

natatawa nalng ako pag naisip ko yon hahaha

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Pag minamalas nga naman...

Hay.. Just like to share some things that happend to me last night, Sobrang napahiya ako at pinagtatawanan pa ng mga kasama ko sa trabaho, Alam nyo naman ang buhay sa call center ang gabi ginagawang umaga, at ang umaga ginagawang gabi.

Ang ngyari kasi aug 22 friday night gumimik ako at walang tulog at ang pasok ko 3:30 am, sabi ko "ok lang kaya pa to, sana di me antokin sa work" ng papasok na me sa work at mag start ng mag receive ng mga calls kasi nga inbound kami, around 6:00am after we had our first break, dinalaw na me ng antok at minsan naka idlip me ng cguro mga 5 mins at marami ng mga abandon calls, unfortunately nahuli me ng TL ko at ginising ako, napag sabihan ako, sabi ko naman "sori po talaga its just that i don't have decent sleep last night" binigyan pa nya ako ng kape para mawala ang antok ko, di ko talaga nakayanan, ang ginawa ko nakasandal me sa cubicle di ko napansin bumalik pala TL ko nahuli na naman ako at ng ginising nya ako sabay sabi nya "ano ba yan owen tulog ka na naman," the moment na nagising ako at narinig ko boses nya sabay bigla kong sabi "Lord sana tulungan mo ako sa buhay ko, salamat po, amen" sabi nya" Kunwari ka pa nagpre-pray huling hulig ka na nga sa akto, sabi ko naman " hindi po, talagang nag pre-pray ako". sobrang tawa ng mga kasama ko....

Ayon nagalit si TL pinull-out ako sabay issue ng Citation, one day suspension- sleeping during working hours..arayyy

The whole day na badtrip ako at nawala tuloy bigla ang antok ko sa kakaisip.. and the worst thing nabansagan akong The sleeping saint... at santo sa tulugan.. putchak na buhay to..

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Love at First sight?

How is it possible to feel so much for a stranger? For a person that you’ve just met? Is that how powerful love is?

Is there such a thing as LOVE at FIRST SIGHT? The question that everyone ask when they feel it when they laid their eyes to that person, just like me, when I saw her.

It was all started in citi, a simple hi and hello never thought it would create a feelings in my heart, something that you just can’t explain and started asking your self, is it love?

Everyday my feeling gets stronger that I would love to go to work just to see her, just to complete my day, I made a lot of sales just for her to notice me but later on I realize at the end of the day someone owned her love, someone already fill the special place in her heart, the love I wished I would have. (sigh)

so sad that I couldnt even told her how much I feel for her,
so sad that all I could do is just turn away and hide this feelings
so sad that she is about to get married.

Even in simple things like this I could convey to you, I’m thankful that for one in my life, I never thought I had fallen in love- and its love at first sight.