it's Christmas

I don't know why I'm writing this one,
but this one thing I know for sure,
I'm lonely I don't even feel the spirit of Christmas,
for me it's just an ordinary occasion
that doesn't really needs you to exert an effort to celebrate.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way..
di ko magawang ma-enjoy.
there's something missing,
something that I need to find to fill the emptiness in my heart,
I'd rather stay in my room, lie down, sound trip
than doing the traditional thing.

I need to know that something!!!

and that something really bothered me a lot,

the reason why I can't enjoy christmas,

and the reason that I can't find happiness.

sad to say it's Christmas and I'm thinking this thing.

Pasko na naman

thank you so much fiel for this award...

Dati ko ng sinabi sa mga previous post ko, isa sa pinakaayaw ko na okasyon at pinakaaantay ko ay ang pasko, Hindi ko alam why I always feel empty everytime pag christmas na, alam mo yong feeling na naiiyak ka tapos pinipigaln mo, masakit sa dibdib pag hindi mo mailabas ang nararamdaman mo.

hindi ko alam kung bakit, lalo't ngayon my mom was actually away from us, we will be celebrating christmas na wala mama.. omg first time ko first time namin, hindi ko maiwasang maiyak habang sinusulat ko ito iniisip ko na agad ang mga mangyayari, sobrang na miss ko na si mama,

bakit ba ako nagkakaganito, siguro iniisip ko lang, siguro masyado lang akong negative..

hayyy..

sad..

umiiyak ako..

di ko masabi sa inyo ang dahilan

pero umiiyak ako kahapon pa..

they need justice...

they need our help guys..


















let's pary for them guys... they need justice...

excited

this pic taken last oct 18 this yr sa surigao lipata, bumisita kami kasi open hauz, kasi once in awhile lang sila nagpapavisit, actually birthday ko tong araw na to di lang ako naka pab blog kasi tinatamad..


bro and mama


bro and onli gurl namin


from left: bunso, ako, jojo and malvin


family pic




Buzz!! i was surprise my couzn buzz me, its been awhile since we haven't talk, buti na lang kanina natsambahan nag online ako, at nag online din sila..

she was excited to see me kasi nalaman nya sa sister ko na uuwi na ako by december, shes invited me na dun sa kanila mag christmas, sabi sure... lalo na tuloy akong na excite finally ma meet ko na sila lahat kasi the last time na nakapunta me sa surigao bislig it was like i was highskul i think 1995. tagal na nun..

of course i texted my brothers and sister kung papayag sila, pumayag naman sila.. so lahat kami magkakapatid sa surigao kami mag christmas,

first time namin mag celebrate na kami kami lang, wala si mama, kaso may problema yong kuya ko kaka recognized lang nila as PO1 so continue pa rin training nila. he told me kung ganun ok lang pero ang hindi nya alam kung kelan siya makapag break.

hinati pala sila sa dalawang team ang unang team makakauwi makapagchristmas sa mga pamilya nila, ang pangalawang team sa new year na makakauwi sa kanilang pamilya.

sabi ko sa brother ko ok lang yon at least isa sa mga importanting araw magkasama tayo. pero mas maganda pag sa newyear ka makakauwi yon ang importante.

lately na realize ko yong closeness namin ng kapatid ko, hindi kasi kami ganun ka close siguro bumabawi lang sya kasi for 4 years na wala syang work sa akin sya humihingi ng tulong, pero now parang sobrang ok na kami, naiilang din ako kasi tol tawag nya sa akin di ako sanay, hehehehe tapos di ako nagkukuya i call him by name lang.

im looking forward na magkakasama kami sa christmas excited na ako...

missing you

Nakachat ko si mama kahapon, first time namin mag chat since she left for japan, napaluha ako, I wanted to tell her how i miss her kaso lang nahihiya ako..

Hindi kasi ako ganun ka open kay mama, I never really talk to her about my feelings, Uuwi na nga ako sa amin kaso hindi naman kami mag kasama sa christmas and new year.

Hayyy

Just always take care of yourself ma.. miss you and i love you so much

and i love you so

and i love you so
the people ask me how
how i've live till now
i tell them i don't know

i guess they understand
how lonely life has been
but life began again
the day you took my hand

and yes i know how lonely(loveless) life can be
the shadows follow me
and the night wont set me free
but i don't let the evening get(bring) me down
now that your around me

and you love me too
your thoughts are just for me
you set my spirit free
i'm happy that you do

the book of life is brief
and once the page is read
all but love is dead
that is my belief

Art of letting go

I really appreciate those times that we've shared together. Since i've got you, I realize to myself how important you are to me in my daily life because I miss all the cherish moments we used to do when your still with me, even for just a few weeks.

There was a time that I enjoy being by myself but theirs still a missing pieces a part in me that no one can ever replace in that position & it's only "you".

if I've been given a chance to change to live again and then I would choose you, i would choose you to be with me for the rest of my life,

Im here to love you & and to be loved by you.
there haven't times that i think of the precious times that we shared.

I remember one day i called you up, after the birthday party, i was gonna invite you to watch a movie "New Moon" and have dinner in Good earth, I was fucking excited to see and and be with you again.

but when you answered the phone,

you said "mamaya na lang"

without even telling me why? so i said ok!!!

i said to myself maybe you were just busy then,

I texted you "san ka ba? anong ginagawa mo?

you replied "photocopying, photoshoot with my classmate, txt you later"

then i replied "ok..just text me wen ur done.. ok?"

later at around 8:30pm we decided to meet, i mean i insist that we should meet because of the text i received from you that tells;

"sweetie, i cant do this anymore, im sorry, i'll miss you"

Tang***, what are you saying, para akong gago sa mrt, di ko mapigilang umiyak, pinipigilan ko, nangingiwi ng bibig ko dahil sasabog na ang luha ko, pero i tried pa rin to calm down, i texted you,

"what do u mean i can't do this anymore? then you replied

"the relationship, i cant it hurts, im sorry i've been one bad person, my conscience is eating me up, sorry if i can't do this in person".

dumating ako sa place and then started to ask you why? right then and there you broke up with me, ang masakit pa dun, nagsisinungaling ka, nung tumawag pala ako, you and your friends watched New Moon, yong Housemate ko nagtatampo sa akin dahil dati pa balak na namin manood ng new moon pero i said No to her because im gonna watch it together with you, because right after nating manood ng New Moon we're gonna have dinner, at yon yong plano natin dba? and i was gonna tell you, iwas gonna surprise you that i will be spending christmas here sa manila, that im gonna spending christmas with YOU, but because you're breaking up with me hindi na sya mangyayari,

Nasasaktan ako.. sobra.. hindi mo lang alam.. pero its ok.. you were just 17 yrs old, madaling magbago ang isip. naiintindihan kita, and i realize now kung ganu ka importante ang age when it comes to relationship.

I miss you and i'll never forget you, kahit papano minahal kita ng totoo.

a new beginning

Minsan ang buhay talagang nakakalito, siguro hindi lang minsan kundi most of the time, mahirap ipaliwanag ang di mo maintindihang nararamdaman sa kaibuturan ng iyong puso, subalit datapwat- pilit mong iniisip na tama ito pero at the back of your mind, naguguluhan ka lang..

tulad ng isang pag-ibig.. siguro lahat naman nakakaranas kung pano main-love, diba?

Isang araw dumating sa buhay mo ang taong iyon, sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon o kaya sa di inaasahang lugar, tapos nagkatinginan kayo, at biglang nagkaroon ng spark, masasabi mo ba na sya na?

then, almost everyday magkasama kayo dahil feeling mo namimiss mo yong tao, feeling mo gusto mo na sya, pero at the end malalaman mo na naguguluhan ka lang pala, hindi ka sure sa mga ngyayari, naghahanap ka lang pala ng atensyon.

***********************************

sadya nga bang kay lupit ng tadhana, buhay natin ay pinag-lalaruan, pati puso natin kaya nyang saktan. Kung may pagkakataon man maituwid ang pagkakamali iyon ay huli na.

Sinaktan na natin ang taong kahit papano'y minahal din natin ng totoo, gayun nga lang sa mga oras na yon isip natin ay nalilito.

Minsan iniisip ko na lang ng matulog sa buong araw, manood ng tv yong tipong wala kang iisipin kundi kumain matulog at tumawa, pero malabo atang mangyari yon.

Ang hirap mag disisyon, hindi mo alam kung mapapahamak ka sa disisyon mo o ikakabuti sya, katulad ngayon aalis na ako papuntang davao as in uuwi na ako for good, nag render na lang ako ng 30 days sa company, pero hindi pa rin mawawala sa isip ko kung makakahanap ba ako ng work padating sa davao baka naman kasi ma tanggong ako pagdating dun, ayaw kong maging jobless ang hirap ata pag walang pera.

Naiiyak ako dahil mamimiss ko yong hauzmate ko na walang kasing ogag sa buhay, yong katrabaho ko, hindi nila inakala na magreresign ako sa work, for almost 3yrs di nila akalain na lilisanin ko ang lugar na iyon at mananatili na lang sa probinsya.

Naiiyak ako dahil sa mga taong malapit sa buhay ko ay iiwanan ko na sila, kahit sabihin nating meron namang kumyonikasyon iba pa rin ang nakikita mo at nakaka-usap mo sila ng harap harapan.

Naiiyak ako dahil mamimiss ko yong mga tawa namin, yong tipong nag-uusap kami tungkol sa hirap ng buhay, problema, alam mo yong may matatakbuhan ka pagdating sa mga bagay na iyon.

Naiiyak ako dahil hindi ko alam pano mag-umpisa ng panibagong buhay sa probinsya, pano ko itataguyod ang buhay ko kasama ang mga estranherong tao sa paligid ko,

Naiiyak ako dahil pano pag magkaproblema ko sino yong tatakbuhan ko, yong tipong isang text lang anjan na sila, kahit hindi pa ngyayari ang mga iyon natatakot ako dahil alam ko balang araw mangyayari iyon.

Naiiyak ako dahil ang liit ng sweldo sa davao hindi ako sanay, at wala akong mauutangan dahil wala na si mhel, alangan naman mag pa western union pa sya, malabo ata nyang gawin yon.

Naiiyak ako dahil may maiiwan, isang tao na minsan ay minahal ko ng totoo, hindi ko alam pano mag paalam sa taong ito, hindi ko alam pano sabihin ang mga katagang "PAALAM".

Pero alam ko isa itong kagustuhan ng Diyos, alam nya ang buhay ko, di naman nya siguro akong hayaang magdisisyon kung di ko kaya.

Sa lahat ng tao na nakilala ko dito sa manila, hindi ko alam pano sabihin ito kundi maraming salamat na naging bahagi kayo sa buhay ko, sa mga blogger na naging friend ko dalaw dalaw na lang kayo sa bahay ko.

handa na rin akong mag- umpisa ng bagong buhay sa davao...

Hanggang sa muli..

alone

I'm in great pain now, I am hurt
I want to tell you about it,

I wish I have the guts to pretend that I'm Ok
but pretending is not gonna help me.

I always wanted you here beside me,
Now, I'm alone and so sad.

I'm still hoping that a second chance would come,
I still want you back.

and life is not worth living
if I don't have you around.

cause Life means You.

qoute for the day

"Don't let your past dictate

who you are,

but let it be part of

who you will become."

something to ponder

I would like to share this to you guys,

a good friend of mine e-mail this to me.

I love it.

MAXIM FOR LIFE

	Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
	Memorize your favorite poem.
	Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
	When you say, "I love you", mean it.
	When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
	Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
	Believe in love at first sight.
	Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
	Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
	In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
	Don't judge people by their relatives.
	Talk slow but think quick.
	When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?".
	Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
	Call your mom.
	Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
	When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
	Remember the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.
	Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
	When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
	Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
	Marry a man you love to talk to. As you get older, his conversational skills will be as important as any other.
	Spend some time alone.
	Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
	Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
	Read more books and watch less TV.
	Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
	Trust in God but lock your car.
	A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
	In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
	Read between the lines.
	Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
	Be gentle with the earth.
	Pray -- there's immeasurable power in it.
	Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
	Mind your own business.
	Don't trust a man who doesn't close his eyes when you kiss him.
	Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
	If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
	Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
	Learn the rules then break some.
	Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
	Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
	Remember that your character is your destiny.
	Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.