when death approaches...

Last night I really had a terrible nightmare, my father visit in my dreams and its like I can't move and i tried to scream but no one hear me. I really don't have any idea why i came up with this thing, maybe its because I've only visited my father's grave once. but i hope he'll understand me, I'm here in manila and I'm working for his family he once left..

I miss him so much if I could turn back time probably I would spend a lot of time to him and treat him wherever he wants to go. I miss him like every morning he always played Beatles music its actually our favorite band. I miss him like we used to sing together "across the universe", "the long and winding road".

I miss him like we used to play "tong 8s" and "Pusoy dos" and of course he was a good player when it comes to Chess, he made it to the top one in his work before.

I miss him a lot and I realize that I love him so much more now the he's gone. I wish I could say to him the word "I love you" but i know its really really too late for me, for my entire life I never say that word to him. only if he could read my mind and feel the beat of my heart, and he will know how much I love him.

Sana kahit dito man lang masabi ko "Dad I love you so much and i miss you a lot"...
here's a song for you dad, palagi natin tong kinakanta..

Long and winding road..

for may dad

The long and winding road
That leads, to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me rehe
Lead me to your door
The wild and windy night
That's the rain, washed away
Has left a pool of tears, crying for the day
Why leave me standing road
Let me know the way
Many times I've been alone
A many times I've cried
And anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried
But still they lead me back
To the long, and winding road
You left me standing here, a long long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door
But still they lead me back
To the long, and winding road
You left me standing here, a long long time ago
Don't keep me waiting here
Lead me to your door.

First Year Anniversary....

We just turned one year with my baby last Aug. 22, 2006 and I wasn't able to write in my blog because I had a lot of things to do but our celebration was great.

To my baby:


"Everyday I'm thankful I have you in my life. There's nothing I wish more that being with you everyday waking ours of it. I don't want to live in regrets. I am loving you with all that I am"

Baby we've been through a lot of sacrifes and I'm happy that during those dull moments, during those days that I was about to quit you were there to push me (ayan tuloy nahulog me tinulak mo kasi ako nasubsub nguso ko) to move on, to realize how beautiful life is.

Baby I love you more that words can say. I miss you when we're together how much more when we're apart. To live without you is not a beautiful life at all because you're the one that makes my life beautiful... Love you very much baby....

I want to tell you this. " I love you since I met you and thank you for being the person I love and be loved"

Goodbye nickel....

From the very beginning, I'm always afraid of the word Goodbye, It scares me to think that someone will leave me alone. I don't wanna be alone! I don't want to relive the things i did in the past because what happend in the past was traumatized me. It really hurts when someone tells
you goodbye, its like its breaking my heart into pieces and its the horrible word for me.

But I realized that Goodbye is not always sad and painful one, sometime one has to say goodbye in order to let things happend well, that we have to accept the two persons are not really meant for each other not just in lovers but in friends also.

After our separate ways with my best friend Nickel, it took me years to think why he let this things happend that we have to stop communicating each other, that we have to forget things and leave memories as it is, that we have to forget each other. Damn... How can you forget someone who makes you smile, He is like a brother to me, more than that!

Can you imagine for how many years we've been together and in just a click of a hand I lost Him its because of He found some new friends, some bunch of idiot person.. sorry for the word idiot but i think thats the best word to describe them because they took nickel in my life, I'm just trying to figure out why he leave me, I just want to know the reason.. just one very good reason nickel...

Why nickel? Am I a person with AIdS? Am I a person with Horrible face? Does it has to do with the status of your family,I'm just a poor owen that i don't have a penny in my pocket and you are the rich guy in davao... We were good friends.. why... why... why nickel?

You know what... I want to say this to you that I'm angry with you! Are you ashamed of me? You're not aware of my thoughts, my needs.. How could you do this to me? I didn't do something wrong with you. and tell me that We're Through!!! that i don't even exist in you!

If you only knew I cried so many tears, that i can't sleep well, but those were the days nickel. and I thank you for making me a strong person.. I will never forget you.

I thank you for time you spent to me, you will always be a special part of me. I'm doing great now and I'm happy with my life. I wish you happiness, I miss you friend and I love you just as well...