pangungulila

cguro around 1am ng papunta me ng office, habang nasa taxi nagte-text kami ng kapatid ko at mama ko, pinag-uusapan namin if im going home for christmas.once in a year lang ako umuuwi, during christmas lang, usually 5days lang ako stay sa bahay din balik agad ako sa manila, 5 years na ako sa manila

the rest 360days ay dito na lahat sa manila nila, kaya sobra-sobra talaga ang pangungulila ko sa pamilya ko..

nung napadaan kami sa isang lugar napansin ko agad ang mga christmas lights malapit sa cash n carry, ganda ng ilaw at bigla nalang akong naghina, di ko mapigilan ang ma-luha at umiyak, pinipigilan ko na lang kasi papasok pa ako sa work baka naman kasi kantsawan ako.

pinag pi-pray ko nalang sana maka-uwi ako ngayong xmas kasi alam ko malabo mangyari yon dahil wala na akong leaves.. ubos na lahat. alam ko na malabo itong matupad pero im still hoping na

sana ngayong pasko ay makasama at makapiling ko yong pamilya ko..

Father's letter

when a friend of mine email this to me, i suddenly pause for a minute and take time to read this, parang natulala ako after all, at biglang napaisip,maraming mga tanong na nabuo sa aking isipan..

Sometime's we don't have time for God,
what if God does not have time for us,

naisip nyo ba yon minsan? nakakapanindig balahibo ano?

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad,
Almighty God

if i could

avoiding something doesn't always mean that you hate it,
it could also mean that you want it,
but you just know that it isn't right..

i must be dreaming...

if I could turn back time
i will never let you go...

thank you... God

Have you ever wonder,

why God allow people to get hurt?

If He loves us why can't He allow us to love the person we love so much,

why he would not touch the heart of the person we love just to love us back?

and if he doesn't want to see us crying,

why do we feel emptiness in life, resentment

and sometimes thinking of ended up our life?

if there's anything that this life of mine has taught me, is that life can be a difficult one but in other way around life can humble you in a sense that in can make you king of the world, life can just go on hurting you and can make your world come crashing down on you and it humbles you and make you realize that you'll never get to high and you never get to low.

it's true that you'll never get what you want, what you need if you quit.. sabi nga nila "habang may buhay, may pag asa pa" pero if you think that this is not really meant for you, you have to quit, don't force yourself you'll ended up hurting yourself so much.

that's life!!! it makes you realize when to stop and makes you realize too if you really have to fight for it..

life teaches us how to accept things that are not meant for us, it humble us, sabi nga sa kanta "learning the art of letting go" although pain leaves scar in our heart but its the only way to live life completely.

Im just really happy this time, i'm not questioning God why some good people around us has to leave, i understand why we sometime have to live alone, i understand why some people are not meant for us, its because He wants us to realize the important thing in life that He is always there beside you through thick and thin, who loves you so much, for who we are..

this is just some lessons i've learned in this world after all,

I just wanna say Thank you God for giving me another year.. today is a very speacial day of my life. its may Birthday,

Happy Birthday to Me...

sana minsan...

di ko kaya ipagtapat ang pag-ibig ko
sa isang taong pilit iniiwasan ko
kaibigan lang, sakin yan ang turing mo
pag-ibig, yan ang nakita ko sayo

habang sa akin ay papalapit ka
pano ko sasabihing mahal kita
pintig ng puso ko'y sobrang kaba
dahil alam ko ika'y may mahal ng iba

pinilit kong intindihin ang mga pangyayari
pinilit tangapin na ika'y di ko pag-aari
pinilit unawain na ika'y mapalayo sa akin
pinilit kong tiisin kahit masakit na sa damdamin

ngunit hanggang kelan ako maghihintay
sa pag-ibig mong aking inaantay
pag-ibig na ibinigay mo ng buo sa kanya
sana'y minsan ay aking madama

finding happiness...

many people think that my life is so damn easy.. i wake up at the time i wanted to that was before but not now, watch movie if i wanted to do so.. but people doesn't understand whats running through my mind, they don't have any idea that, right now i'm suffering from things that i can't just let go..

if its not a sin to kill myself, maybe i've already done that.. maybe im dead right now.. many people dont know what ive been going through.. i laugh as if nothings bothering me.. but behind that smile is something i cannot explain.. i never shared problems to them, i always wanted everyone to feel at ease and happy when i'm around.

its just so hard for me to find the real happiness.. chasing happiness is my major problem.. yes there is no pure happiness.. all of us are chasing our own, but still we cannot find it.. the contentment is still nowhere.. problems regarding our family, friends, and even love life..

we are in this kind of situation where we have to understand that this is one of God's challenges for us.. to make us strong.. to make us a better person.. don't you realize sometimes that we only seek God if we're in the middle of nowhere, if we encounter hardship and trouble? we sometimes forgot to say "Thank You" if we already got what we want..

now i want to agree on what people say - that my life is very easy.. its because i have a great relationship with God..

He's the source of my strength.. and He is the reason why im still alive despite of all the thing ive been through.. i know He's with me.. more than my family, friends and even my ex-gf can.. every one of us can find our real happiness through Him..

Thank you! i feel better now...

I like for you to be still..

by: Pablo Neruda

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not touch you
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth
As all things are filled with my soul
You emerge from the things
Filled with my soul
You are like my soul
A butterfly of dream
And you are like the word: Melancholy

I like for you to be still
And you seem far away
It sounds as though you are lamenting
A butterfly cooing like a dove
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not reach you
Let me come to be still in your silence
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp
Simple, as a ring
You are like the night
With its stillness and constellations
Your silence is that of a star
As remote and candid

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
Distant and full of sorrow
So you would've died
One word then, One smile is enough
And I'm happy;
Happy that it's not true

dahil sa isang tula...

Isa sa mga paborito kong Author si Pablo Neruda sa kanya ako natutung gumawa ng mga tula tungkol sa isang pag-ibig, kaibigan at mga bagay bagay na ngyayari sa buhay natin.

I want to share this Poem to you guys , isa ito sa mga ginawa ni Pablo Neruda na tula na memorize ko na at everytime na binabasa ko ito i-feel na feel ko... bigay todo.. lahat ng emotion maibubuhos ko pag itinula ko ito.. s'ya ang naging inspirasyon ko, at sana ay makagawa ako ng isang tula na kasing ganda nito.

if you forget me
by: Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
(fave line ko dito)

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

Ang ganda dba? sobra... ako kahit baliktad man english ko... kahit sabihin man nila na trying hard ako gusto ko pa ring gumawa ng tula, gusto ko pa ring maibuhos ang damdamin ko, ang tunay na nararamdaman ko, gusto kong sabihin lahat ng hinanakit ko sa buhay ko, gusto kung i share sa lahat ng nasa paligid ko sa pamamagitan ng tula na ako'y nasasakal na sa hirap ng buhay, gusto kong maramdaman nila kung gano kasakit ang masaktan, ganu kahirap mawalan ng minamahal, ganu ako ka gago magtiwala at umasa sa wala.. at minsan ko na ring naisip na tapusin na ang lahat, tapusin ang buhay ko dahil akoy pagod na.

Hindi ko kayang sabihin sa mga tao ng harap harapan dahil ayokong kaawa-an ako, ayokong pagtawanan ako dahil lang sa letcheng pag-ibig na yan, ayaw kong makikita nila na ako'y nasasaktan, gusto ko lahat ng tao sa paligid ko masaya, walang problemang iniisip.. pero ang hirap palang mag-isa malayo sa magulang at kapatid lalo na ang taong hindi mo ini-expect na mawalay sayo ay nawala ng walang kadahil-dahilan.. wala man lang sinabi kung bakit... ang pinakamasakit pa nun isang pag-ibig na di ko kayang ipaglaban.

Dahil sa isang tula lahat ng gusto kong sabihin ay nasasabi ko...

tag game

so alone yet

a lot of heart in the world are in fire.....

so near yet so far

i couldn't even feel the fire burning inside.....

the world so warm

yet your arms are so cold.....

wielding my way into your heart

just to let you stay with me forever more.....

what we need not just want

is to love and be loved.....

my tears will never ever lost

cause i know it is sincerely shed.....

and just for you...

I am willing to be hurt again.....

I miss you

....

tagged by: BJ Batang MaiLap

Here’s the rule:

...

1. Write a poem or an inspiring line based on a photo of your choice. This photo can be your own, or someone else’s. (If the picture is not yours, please ask permission from the owner when you post it, or better yet, provide only the link to the picture that inspired you, without posting it.)

...

2. Your poem or inspiring line may be of any length, and any genre. It can be humorous, sentimental, heart-warming, whatever. You may write in Ilokano, English or Filipino.

...

3. Post your inspiring line in your blog and in the comment section of this page (or just a link to your post so we could go and check it there). For poetry submissions, please indicate if you wish your piece to be posted in Bilingual Pen as an article submission.

...

4. The goal of this game is to get us to write, and express our thoughts and emotions.

...

i am now tagging:

...

1: Teresa - emoterang probinsyana

2: Ely - Beyond Horizon

3: Ron - on the coffin rock

4: Fjordz - Hiraya: Endless journey

5: Jei an - Embracing reality

6: Roland - Anghel na walang langit

7: Lance - Soulsearching

8: Odin - Red riding Odin Hood

...