Saturday, September 30, 2006

this time i'll be sweeter.....

I just wanna say Thank you to those poeple who helped me and shared their thoughts. It was really hard for me to face reality. We've already talked about what had happend and we fogive each other and I know that I also have my shortcomings.

Funny to say but we're back in each others arms again hahaha and that's what makes me happy when I'm with someone whom I love most. Nothing can compare the happiness she gave to me. She makes my heart smile and she's the only person, the only reason that makes my life go round and round.

She texted me while writing this entry:

" and if you ever change your mind I still,
I will love you "
Hayyy Sarap mabuhay when someone loves you.... I love you baby...

To: Dennis,Alma, Jeff, Jer, Gregg, Paul, Banana, lani, fiel and to everybody who shared their thoughts A big Thank you.. I know my blog seems to be emotional but then I love sharing or asking help to anybody who doesn't know me. Thanks for being there pals.. *hugs*

If I Believe
By: Patti Austin
If I believed in paradise I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
if I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there
If I believed in magic spells
It all would be so clear
'Cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future
I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I dont know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I cant deny
If I believed in paradise I'd swear I'm there
I'm there
I'm there
If I believed.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

i hate the world today... bullshittt...

It was around 6:00 in the morning when I arrived at the house from work, tired and very sleepy I saw my baby girl sleeping so I didn't wake her up, when I laid down, I heard her phone beep and someone send her a message. Its not really my intention to read that message and I don't pay too much attention to her phone because I trust her and I have faith in her.

When accidentally I press the OK to open the message, it was a number only, no names and what shocked me is that the messgae goes like this "mahal galit ka ba?" and 1 text came then i opened it same number that says "mahal may pasok ka ba, aga mong nag txt ah" Tang ina ano to lokohan.. after all.. now i realized she was cheating on me since naging kami. putchak naman to.. may pacelebrate pa kami ng 1 yr anniversary. I hurriedly wake her up and ask her about the text, she can't explain.. ito na nahuli na....

Guys i really don't know what to do. Do I have to listen to her explaination or break her up.
I need your help pls... im so down.. badtrip, parang gusto kong pumatay ng tao...

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Tinge of Hope...

Lately I've been fighting things, fixing problems and rediscovering Hope. It was too lazy for me to make my life more exciting. I went to church prayed for my family and for everyone around me. Day after, it seems like things were getting worsted and I feel like quitting, ending my life with a sharp knife, I don't wanna suffer or bothered with problems. I don't wanna be loaded with trials. Life seems too unfair, why some people live their life so much great and everything is given.

Yesterday a friend of mine texted and invited me to have dinner in his place, when I arrived he approaced me and went to have dinner, at the middle of coversation,

he ask me if Hows my life, I said "hmmm everything is doing well"

he said " No you're not ok and whats with the hmmm"

I really didnt know why some people can read my mind and tell you some surprising idea, and you know what, he even insist. I didn't confirm to him the whole things, but he proved that everything he said is true.

When I'm about to leave he told me "There's still Hope" just have faith to God and he hugged me and when I arrived in my place its like that somebody took my burdens in my heart. "smile"

I believe that God won't answer your prayers right away.

He will going to use someone like your friends, strangers or anybody in this world as instrument to whoever need His help.

Monday, September 04, 2006

when death approaches...

Last night I really had a terrible nightmare, my father visit in my dreams and its like I can't move and i tried to scream but no one hear me. I really don't have any idea why i came up with this thing, maybe its because I've only visited my father's grave once. but i hope he'll understand me, I'm here in manila and I'm working for his family he once left..

I miss him so much if I could turn back time probably I would spend a lot of time to him and treat him wherever he wants to go. I miss him like every morning he always played Beatles music its actually our favorite band. I miss him like we used to sing together "across the universe", "the long and winding road".

I miss him like we used to play "tong 8s" and "Pusoy dos" and of course he was a good player when it comes to Chess, he made it to the top one in his work before.

I miss him a lot and I realize that I love him so much more now the he's gone. I wish I could say to him the word "I love you" but i know its really really too late for me, for my entire life I never say that word to him. only if he could read my mind and feel the beat of my heart, and he will know how much I love him.

Sana kahit dito man lang masabi ko "Dad I love you so much and i miss you a lot"...
here's a song for you dad, palagi natin tong kinakanta..

Long and winding road..
for may dad

The long and winding road
That leads, to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me rehe
Lead me to your door
The wild and windy night
That's the rain, washed away
Has left a pool of tears, crying for the day
Why leave me standing road
Let me know the way
Many times I've been alone
A many times I've cried
And anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried
But still they lead me back
To the long, and winding road
You left me standing here, a long long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door
But still they lead me back
To the long, and winding road
You left me standing here, a long long time ago
Don't keep me waiting here
Lead me to your door.