finding happiness...

many people think that my life is so damn easy.. i wake up at the time i wanted to that was before but not now, watch movie if i wanted to do so.. but people doesn't understand whats running through my mind, they don't have any idea that, right now i'm suffering from things that i can't just let go..

if its not a sin to kill myself, maybe i've already done that.. maybe im dead right now.. many people dont know what ive been going through.. i laugh as if nothings bothering me.. but behind that smile is something i cannot explain.. i never shared problems to them, i always wanted everyone to feel at ease and happy when i'm around.

its just so hard for me to find the real happiness.. chasing happiness is my major problem.. yes there is no pure happiness.. all of us are chasing our own, but still we cannot find it.. the contentment is still nowhere.. problems regarding our family, friends, and even love life..

we are in this kind of situation where we have to understand that this is one of God's challenges for us.. to make us strong.. to make us a better person.. don't you realize sometimes that we only seek God if we're in the middle of nowhere, if we encounter hardship and trouble? we sometimes forgot to say "Thank You" if we already got what we want..

now i want to agree on what people say - that my life is very easy.. its because i have a great relationship with God..

He's the source of my strength.. and He is the reason why im still alive despite of all the thing ive been through.. i know He's with me.. more than my family, friends and even my ex-gf can.. every one of us can find our real happiness through Him..

Thank you! i feel better now...